So it's been a while since i last blogged, but i've decided to start blogging again to share my self-development journey with the world.
"when love is absent, fear is the replacement, climb out of the darkness you've created and step intoo the light"
My story
Today i want to write about panick attacks and general anxiety. I experienced my first panick attack about 6 months ago, and it was horrifying. It's probably the worst thing i have ever experienced, i think it's something only those who have experienced a panick attack can really understand.My first panick attack i thought i was loosing my mind, it felt like being on a bad drug trip ( not that i have eve been on one, but that's the only thing i can compare it to). After my first panick attack i was so scared and terrified to experience it again that i started having anxiety for the anxiety itself. This anixety was with me 24/7. From the time i woke up to the time i went to bed i was constantly obsessing, after a while it got so bad that i started getting afraid of even leaving my home ( because what IF i had a panick attack in public).
I tried about everything ( i went to the emergency room at the hospital more times then i can count), i tried hypnosis, healing, self-hypnosis, and counseling. When i got to the point that i started to be afraid of being alone, i realized that i needed to really make a change. At the time a friend told me about a audio tape program that helped him. The program is called "attacking anxiety and depression by Lucinda Basett.
Lucinda has been couching people suffering from anixety and panick attacks for 14 years. In the audio tapes she describes the personality traits of people suffering from anxiety and panick attacks and i could relate at once.
Here is the most common traits;
- Negative
- Afraid to say NO ( set bounderies )
- "What if" thinkers ( always thinks of a worst case scenario)
- Intravert
- Low selfesteem
- Perfectionists
- Hard working ( always overworking or doing more then they really need to)
- Has too high expectations for themselfes
I could not believe how much i could relate to this. I realized that I was creating the anxiety and panick attack myself. It was not some force outside of myself that came to attack me. I was attacking myself. Realizing this i believe panick attacks and anxiety is the best thing that have ever happened to me because it made me realize that i was not happy with my life our myself at all.
Because i know how extremly hard and scary it can be to experience panick attacks and anixety i want to help you overcome this by telling you what i did;
1. I started tracking my negative thoughts ( everytime i had a negative thought i wrote it down, and replaced it with a positive thought ). Doing this made me realize how negative i was ( and i really thought i was a positive person. And i was...when it came to others, just not when it came to my life or myself.2. Through my spiritual self-development journey i've been aware of the fact that i could'nt say NO, or set healthy bounderies for myself. I realized this a few years back and started working on putting my own needs before others. You are your own best friend, and if you don't take care of yourself, noeone else will!! If people ask you for a favour, and get mad because you say NO they are not a good friend at all. And they might just be asking you because they know you always say yes..
3. I started challening my WHAT IF thoughts. "What if i have a panick attack on the bus...the mall, at work.. ( the list is long). SO WHAT if i have a panick attack on the bus? Will it kill me? Will anyone even notice? So what if people think i'm crazy? I always pictured that i would go crazy and start to run around screaming.... but when i think about it i've never done that during a panick attack so why the heck would i be afraid of such a thing? It's just the fear talking. The worst thing that could actually happen if i had a panick attack on the bus is that i would have to get of the bus. OH NO, can you imagine such a catastrophy?!
4. I started really working on my inner perfectionist. I spent so much time making my home perfect, every day ( could not have a messy home...what would my man think of me? what if there were people coming over on short notice? I was so insecure about myself that i thought my home and my appareance was an indication to how much i was worth. I've always been a perfectionist when it comes to my looks as well. Could not leave my home without makeup or without fixing my hair.
I've slowly learned to let this go. If people judge me based on how i look i don't really want to have them in my life anyways.
My look or my home is not a reflection of my inner qualities as a human being. It says nothing about me as a person at all. YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH just as you are! You don't have to do anything to be accepted or to be loved, you are perfect just the way you are.
5. Instead of always cleaning and dusting and fixing non important stuff, start doing the stuff you actually LOVE. Go out an enjoy nature, dance, read, listen to music, work out, do whatever it is that makes you happy and puts a smile on your mouth. The past 6 months i did'nt do any of the things that made me happy, i did'nt even notice myself. I have a goal of doing something i love for at least 1 hour a day.
6. I think this is the most important one; work on your selfesteem. I was scared to death everytime i experienced anxiety or panick attacks. I would always go to a friend, call my boyfriend, or run to the emergency room at the hospital. I did'nt realize why before i started listetning to Lucinda's audiotaped. I did not think i could cope, or get through it by myself. I thought someone or something outside of me had to save me. My self esteem was horrible! Or as i like to call it; my inner child. ( i will write more about inner child healing in another blogpost this week). Believe me; noeone can save you, you have to save yourself. This is the most important part of the recovery because you need to work on your self-esteem and show yourself that you can actually do it. You need to start believing in yourself. When you do you realize that you can do anything!
7. Dont fleed!
I was terrified of getting another panick attack, and if i did as i mentioned i always went somewhere, or i used distraction techniques like self hypnosis or breathing tecniques to cope. ( but i did'nt really cope, it was just as horrifying.
When you fleed, it will only get WORSE! It will offcourse pass, but you will constantly be scared to have another one. And the next time will be even worse. You have to meet your fear! Welcome the anxiety, and just allow yourself to be still and feel. And tell yourself that anxiety is just a feeling passing through, it does'nt last forever, it will pass. And really allow it to visit you, when you do i can assure you that it passes very soon. And you realize that is'nt not scary at all. Nothing happened at all....you did'nt die, or you didn't go crazy, and you were able to breathe. The more times you do this the better it gets. Stop looking for a safe place or a safe person, YOU are your safe person, and your safe place!
I hope my advice were helpful to someone out there going through this. I really recomend the Audio book my Lucinda Basett, and the one move technique;
Attacking-Anxiety-Depression-Program
Panick away book ( One move technique)
Much love,
A
